Funny Golf Comments

From a new, golf instruction book coming out soon.

– How to line up your fourth putt.

– How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titlist from the Tee.

– How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in the bunker.

– How to get more distance off the shank.

– Using your shadow on the greens to maximize earnings.

– Proper etiquette when you are playing with a complete jerk.

– Crying and how to handle it.

– How to rationalize a 7 hour round.

– How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

– Why your wife no longer cares that you birdied the 4th.

– How to let a foursome play through your twosome without getting embarrassed.

– How to relax when you’re hitting five off the Tee.

– Went to suggest swing corrections to your opponent.

– Went to re-grip your ball retriever.

More funny golf comments:

– If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

– The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

– Since bad shots come in groups of three, the fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

– When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

– Any mid-round correction you make in your swing works for a maximum of three holes or a minimum of none.

– No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

– Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

– When you’re shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one or more clubs or two more balls.

– If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a layup, or you can wait until the green is clear and top of ball halfway there.

– The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

– The inevitable result of any golf lesson, is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

– If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.

– Golfers who claim they don’t cheat, also lie.

– Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

– A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

– It’s surprisingly easy to hole of 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

– Nonchalant putts count the same as Chalant putts.

– It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.

– The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

– There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

– You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.

– Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

– There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

– Hazards attract; fairways rappel.

– You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

– A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

– If there’s a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

– Don’t buy a putter until you had a chance to throw it.

Real funny actual phone calls to a golf course. Funny Golf Calls